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"STRANGERS IN PARADISE: IMMORTAL ENEMIES" PART II BY TERRY MOORE ADAPTED BY HEATHER CLISBY Last Updated: 21
January 2005 SiP CHARACTERS Principals Katina "Katchoo" Choovanski: Karen Soo Hoo Francine Peters: Natalie Saibel David Quin: James Hampton Darcy Parker: Taylor Ray Supporting Roles Freddi Femur: Geof Godard Chuck: Paul Dougherty Rachel Hampton: Anne Stone Sal Tuscanni: Geof Godard Tambi Baker: Heather Clisby Detective Mike Walsh: David Greene Darcy’s Staff: Pilot/Butler: Heather Clisby Maid: Anne Stone Sharon, Katchoo's assistant in NYC: Anne Stone Mavis Wallis: Monica Sullivan Newsroom: Marshall Weinstein: Paul Dougherty John Crosby, Editor in Chief: Russ Hickman Bit parts: Newscaster: Russ Hickman Marilyn Bran: Monica Sullivan Party attendees: Everyone Francine/Chuck’s co-workers: Anne Stone and Geof Godard Waiter: Geof Godard Mail Guy: Russ Hickman Priest: Russ Hickman ANNOUNCER Good evening. Welcome to Shoestring Radio Theatre. We now present Part II of a two-part series entitled “Strangers in Paradise” based on the graphic novel series by Terry Moore, directed by Heather Clisby, produced by Monica Sullivan at Western Public Radio in San Francisco. The story so far: Katchoo goes in search of David, who is madly in love with her, even though Katchoo's heart belongs to her best friend, Francine. Along the way, Katchoo is captured by Tambi, ruthless assassin for the vicious crime boss, Darcy Parker, Katchoo's ex-employer and David's sister. We now find Tambi holding Katchoo 43 floors above the L.A. streets, getting a full confession. KATCHOO All I ever wanted was my life back! I don’t care about the money or any of that. I just . . . I had to stop, Tambi. Like you said. I had to stop. TAMBI That’s a good story. But you came back. KATCHOO For David! I came to see Da – AGH! (choked) FX:
Tambi grabs Katchoo by the shirt collar and lifts her high about ground TAMBI Then he’s next. And after him, your girlfriend! C'mon Princess, let's check out the view. FX:
Tambi dangles Katchoo over the edge of a balcony; wind, cars honking – city
sounds KATCHOO No! Tambi, no! Don't drop me! She doesn’t know anything! I swear! Please don’t hurt her! Please! TAMBI Have you been telling me the truth? KATCHOO (Screeching) Gasp! God, please don't drop me! Yes! I swear to God! It’s true! Every word! TAMBI Good. KATCHOO (Tambi has let go, she is falling) AAAAAIEEE! TAMBI I believe you. KATCHOO (Voice over narration) I’m falling. I’m going to die. Far away I hear my scream but in my head my mind explodes awake releasing everything it ever knew in one big rush of sight and sound. I’m dazzled by the show, but in my heart I cry out for the only person I’ve ever loved, knowing she can’t hear me, knowing she can’t help me, knowing we never really had the chance to say goodbye. It strikes me that I always thought someone would be here to pull me out at the last moment . . . my grandmother, Emma? But there’s no one. I’m alone. Oh my god, I’m falling. I’m going to die. The last thing I see are the stars up in the summer sky, and I remember thinking once how they looked to me like diamonds, thrown across the night. Moons of cheese and smiling suns, I used to be that young once. Then everything stops. SCENE
1 - FX: The sound of a body hitting the floor, hard DARCY Watch the drink! FX:
Katchoo has had the wind knocked out of her and is moaning in pain DARCY Welcome to hell, Katina. Remarkable, isn’t it? It looks just like Los Angeles. I hope you’ll forgive the dramatics, baby. It’s an old gang trick . . . grill you and drop you off a high rise balcony before you have a chance to see there’s another balcony underneath you! But I had to know the truth. Now I know for certain you didn’t betray me . . . like Samantha! Thank you, Tambi. That’ll be all. KATCHOO (Weakly, still out of breath) All you had to do was ask. DARCY Are you okay? KATCHOO (panting) Feel weak. DARCY That’s the adrenaline. It drains all the vitamin C out of you. Would you care for some orange juice? KATCHOO (Weakly) Yeah. DARCY Don’t move. FX:
Heels clicking away KATCHOO (Panting) Get a grip, Katina. It doesn’t matter! Nothing matters! Nothing matters! FX:
Heels clicking back DARCY Here you go, baby. Drink this. I’ll hold it. (Katchoo gulps) You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, baby. You mean too much to me. But I have people looking out for me, too. You know how it is. (Sighs) Just look at yourself Katina. You’re no better off now than the day we met. Are you so blind you can’t see? Without me, your life is just one long fall. Today I caught you, but tomorrow . . . ? KATCHOO Tomorrow I’ll be as far away from here as I can get! DARCY Really? Hmmm. I thought you cared about her more than that. KATCHOO What are you talking about? DARCY I’m talking about consequences, Katina. Go ahead, walk away. Tomorrow you’ll be making funeral arrangements for your girlfriend. KATCHOO Francine means nothing to me! I just used her for a hiding place! She’s not worth anything to you! DARCY Neither was Emma and look what happened to her. KATCHOO (angry, frustrated) What do you want from me?! DARCY It’s cold out here, baby. Wouldn’t you like to come in from the cold? Wouldn’t you like to come home? KATCHOO I’d rather die! DARCY Shhh . . . choose your words carefully, sweetheart. KATCHOO Darcy, I- DARCY Before you waste your breath on things like love and change, let me remind you that every minute of life you’ve had since the age of seventeen has been a gift, from me! When I first saw you, Katina, you were like a shooting star! Brilliant. Falling. I’m the one who caught you, baby. I’m the one who saved you! You owe me! KATCHOO I owe you nothing! You took my life and turned it into a frikkin’ nightmare! DARCY I’m not going to argue with you, Choovanski. Everything I’ve worked for depends on one more job, and I need you to do it! Either come with me . . . or finish your fall! KATCHOO I’ll take my chances. DARCY Oh really. And what about Francine? You never even saw Veronica coming did you? KATCHOO Veronica?! DARCY “Rachel”? KATCHOO God! FX:
Helicopter approaching DARCY There’s our ride, baby. Time to go. SCENE 2 - FX: The deliberate sound of a clock ticking FRANCINE Ring, you damn phone! I'm tired of looking at you! (Pause) Oh, Katchoo, why haven’t you called me?! You said you’d call me! “I’ll call you back in a couple of hours” you said! That was eighteen hours ago, Katchoo! (Sigh) I don’t even know how to find you. I don’t have a phone number . . . or an address. SCENE
3 - FX: Police station sounds – phones, typing, etc. DET. WALSH Sorry to keep you waiting, ma’am. FRANCINE Mr. Walsh? I’m Francine Peters. I don’t know if you remember me or not. DET. WALSH Well, sure, I do! FRANCINE I’ve been trying to reach you all weekend. I couldn’t think of who else to call. DET. WALSH Uh, Miss Peters . . . in here. We can talk in my office. Have a seat. Can I get you some coffee? FRANCINE No, thank you. DET. WALSH Well then, what can I do for you? FRANCINE I guess you remember my friend, Katina? DET. WALSH Why, sure I do! Miss Choovanski from Chicago. How is she? FRANCINE Missing. DET. WALSH Missing? FRANCINE She flew to Los Angeles last Friday and I haven’t heard from her since. She was supposed to call me. DET. WALSH Well, if you’re really worried, I suggest you call the Los Angeles- FRANCINE No, I can’t. They’d just . . . you’re the only person I trust. You saw what she’s . . . what we’re up against. DET. WALSH What do you mean? FRANCINE I think this has something to do with that Darcy Parker woman. DET. WALSH Darcy Parker? What makes you think that? FRANCINE ‘Cause I . . . I found this in Katchoo’s things. It’s an FBI report and, these . . . pictures. I know the other woman. She died last year. DET. WALSH Uh huh, Emma Glass. I believe the FBI is investigating her death as a murder. Your friend picked a dangerous crowd to run with during her stay in L.A. FRANCINE Oh my god. DET. WALSH I’ve been following the Parker investigations from day one, Miss Peters. Your friend was Mrs. Parker’s companion for almost five years. She had quite a reputation. These pictures will give you some idea . . . I hate to say this, but I don’t think you know your friend as well as you think you do, Miss Peters. FRANCINE (Pause) I have to find her. DET. WALSH Okay. And then what? FRANCINE Tell her I love her. Tell her I want to spend the rest of my life with her. SCENE
4 - FX: Teeth brushing DAVID (to himself) How am I going to approach Darcy with this? 'Okay, Darcy . . . I’m coming into the business with you, just like you asked. And the first thing we’re gonna do is replace a few people. Take Katchoo, for example.' (spits) No, no . . I can’t boss her around, that’ll just make her mad. 'Say, Darcy! Listen . . . how about you just let me go tell Katchoo goodbye and then I’ll come right back into the business with you! Wadd’ya say, huh?' Oh man, that’s dumb. (Pause) Uh, excuse me, miss . . . have you seen Darcy? MAID Mrs. Parker’s in the sunroom, sir. DAVID (Quietly to himself) Maybe I should try a different approach. "Okay, listen Darcy . . . I know you don’t want to let Katchoo go, but I’m asking you, not as your brother, but as a fellow human being . . . ' (sighs) Yeah, right. FX:
Door opens DAVID Darcy, listen, uh . . ! DARCY Aah! David! Won’t you join us? We were just about to have breakfast. Well . . . don’t just stand there little brother, say hello to our guest! DAVID K-K-Katchoo!! Katchoo! Oh man! What are you doing here?! Oh, wait, I didn’t mean it that way! I just . . . oh man, am I glad to see you! (Deafening silence) Uh . . hmmm. DARCY Well (giggle). Have a seat, David. Lillian will serve you breakfast. Katina and I have some business to discuss. Sit. FX:
A chair pulls out DARCY Now then . . . I have a little reading material for you here, sweetheart. I want you to pay particular attention to the financials from 1971 to 1976. I’ll explain why in a minute. But, before we go over the bio, I need to give you a little background. For the last five years, the Senate Subcommittee on organized crime has been questioning several IRS auditors who investigated Panama banking accounts during the Gulf War. This . . . is not good. Now if you look closely here . . . (fades out) SCENE
5 - FX: Newsroom sounds – typewriters, phones, etc. JOHN Marshal! Marshal! MARSHAL Coming! Coming! JOHN Get your butt in here! Now! FX:
Door slams loudly MARSHAL Y-You want to see me, Chief? JOHN Yeah, Marshal, I do. I’ve been looking over your latest contribution to journalism. MARSHAL What do you think? JOHN (Mock sincerity) Have I done something to offend you, Marshal? Have I treated you unfairly in any way? MARSHAL Gosh no, John! Why I’ve always considered you as more a friend than- JOHN My door is always open isn’t it? And you’ve been to my home, met my kids. MARSHAL Why, yes. Of course. And what fine looking uh . . . wonderful children they are too! Just . . . delightful! Young, uh . . Americans. (Pause) I’m sure their mother would have been proud, John. God rest her soul. JOHN (Building in volume) So why are you trying to send me to an early grave?!! Dammit, Marshal, I’m not running a tabloid here! This is the D.C. Daily! And last time I checked we were one of the most respected newspapers in the country! MARSHAL I know that, Chief. JOHN Then why do you persist in writing about this bogus Big Six bull? We print facts, not fantasy! MARSHAL Because this time I think I’ve really got something, Chief! I got a tip that something big is going down with the next Presidential election . . . and the Big Six is behind it! JOHN Yeah? What proof do you have? You got pictures? Quotes? Documents? Interviews? MARSHAL Well, no. But- JOHN How about a paper trail? Bank statements, hotel bills . . . MARSHAL Eh, not exactly . . . JOHN You got nothing! Nothing but rumors and hearsay! Dammit, Marshal, I can’t print rumors! I’m not printing one word of your story until you can prove the Big Six even exists! MARSHAL But this could be the story of the century! JOHN No proof, no print! I’m not interested in political UFOs! MARSHAL But . . . JOHN I said forget it! Marshal, listen . . I’m asking you as friend. Forget all this Big Six stuff! It’s a snipe hunt!. You’re a good man, Marshal, a damn fine journalist . . . but don’t try to be a hero. Nobody trusts them anymore. Look what they did to the Kennedys. MARSHALL (Sighs heavily) Yeah. Alright, John. I got it. FX:
Door open, then shuts, then phone rings JOHN John Crosby here! DET. WALSH (Over the phone) John? Mike Walsh. JOHN Mike?! You old s.o.b! You owe me twelve bucks! DET. WALSH Yeah, that’s why I skipped town ten years ago. Your poker games were ruining my reputation. Listen, John, I called to ask a favor. What can you tell me about this girl Senator Henneman’s engaged to? JOHN Beverly Pace? DET. WALSH Yeah. JOHN Are you calling me in an official capacity or is this off the record? DET. WALSH Strictly off-record. I’m on a personal case here. JOHN Off the record, I’d say she’s a very pretty young lady. DET. WALSH Shoot! I know that, I’m looking at a U.P. file on her right now. Come on, talk to me, buddy! You know what I’m looking for. JOHN Look, Mike, I’ve got a lot of work to do here- DET. WALSH John, I have reason to believe this girl might be connected to Darcy Parker. (Pause) John? You still there? JOHN Yeah. DET. WALSH Listen, buddy . . . I know you’ve had a run-in with these people before. I don’t blame you for being a little gun shy- JOHN They murdered my wife, Mike. DET. WALSH I’m sorry, John. JOHN They’ve threatened to shut down the paper next time. DET. WALSH That’s why you’ve got to help me, John. If Beverly Pace is a Parker girl, we have to stop her! We can’t let these people walk right into to the White House! JOHN (Gravely) And what makes you think they’re not already there? SCENE
6 - FX: Musical transition, phone ringing DET. WALSH Miss Peters? FRANCINE (Phone voice) What?! DET. WALSH Mike Walsh. FRANCINE Mr. Walsh .Have you been able to find out anything? DET. WALSH Well, yes and no. I don’t have any leads on Miss Choovanski yet but I have uncovered some interesting information on our mystery lady, Rachel Hampton. FRANCINE What? DET. WALSH Eh, I’d better not discuss it over the phone. I’m on my way to the airport. Can you meet me there and talk? I’m taking a six o’clock flight to Los Angeles. FRANCINE Are you going to look for Katchoo? DET. WALSH Yeah. I have some vacation time coming. I thought I’d run out there and check out a couple of things. I have a personal interest in the Parker case, this may be the break I’ve been looking for. FRANCINE I’m going with you. DET. WALSH Miss Peters, now I don’t think that’s such a good idea- FRANCINE Save your breath, Mr. Walsh! It’s not up for debate! I’ll be there! SCENE
7 - FX: Musical transition DARCY I’ve arranged for full support while you’re on the job. If you need any help with logistics or back-up of any kind, just call the red number. We have people everywhere. We’ll use your old alias, Julie Wallis, since it has a verifiable credit history. Here are your credit cards. . . keys to the New York apartment, car . . . KATCHOO A vintage Mercedes? What am I supposed to be? DARCY You’re an heiress. KATCHOO Darcy, what are you doing? This isn’t the usual mistress set-up. Why are you going to all this trouble, all this expense? (Pause) What do you want? DARCY The White House. KATCHOO (Laughs nervously) You’re kidding. (Pause) Darcy, that’s a popularity contest for white male gentiles! You don’t stand a chance! DARCY Oh, I don’t want to live there dear girl . . . I just want to control it! Veronica can be the occupant. (Pause) Do you think the pool is too green? KATCHOO You’re serious! DARCY I need a diversion. Now that Veronica’s engaged to the Senator, the press will be looking at her with a microscope. I need a distraction, Katina. That’s where you come in. KATCHOO Forget the press! What about the FBI, the CIA . . the NSC?! They’re going to do extensive backgrounds, genealogies . . . DARCY That’s not a problem. We can control them. It’s the press that worries me. We have to keep then away from our girl until she’s in place. After that . . . it’s a piece of cake. KATCHOO Darcy! Even if she makes it you’ll never keep her there! Somebody somewhere is going to find a loophole in her story! They’ll put her behind bars and then they’ll come after you! DARCY Not necessarily. I’ve managed to get two terms out of my current girl, haven’t I? KATCHOO Darcy! I . . I’m impressed! DARCY I’m flying you to New York tonight. Sharon will meet you and get you settled in at the apartment. Tomorrow you’ll get a complete make-over. You need it! KATCHOO Thanks. DARCY Pick out a complete wardrobe, including formals and ask Sharon for anything you need. She will be your personal assistant. KATCHOO Okay. DARCY Study your portfolio on the plane. Once you’re cleaned up and in place, I need you to work quickly. KATCHOO Okay. DARCY The target is in Washington but spends the weekends in New York. You’ll be in the apartment next door. KATCHOO Okay. DARCY It’s important that we work together on this, Katina. Everything and everyone we hold dear is at stake. Understand? KATCHOO Yeah, I understand. SCENE
8 - FX: Sound of a plane frantically losing altitude KATCHOO (Voice over) I’m falling. I’m going to die. Like I care. I’m still sore over the way I let Darcy and Tambi scare me like that. For me, it was a wake-up call. One I’ve been dreading for years. Now the last five years are like a dream to me, a fantasy of what my life could have been, if only I’d done things differently. Darcy said my life has been one long fall and I guess she’s right. This plane has been falling for almost ten seconds and I haven’t even blinked. Know why? You get used to it. PILOT (Over the intercom) Sorry about that, Miss. Looks like we found a little air pocket there. Are you okay? KATCHOO Yeah. PILOT We’re beginning our descent now. We should be on the ground in about twenty minutes. FX:
Plane landing, music bridge PILOT (Intercom) Enjoy your stay, Miss. Sorry about the ride. KATCHOO Story of my life. SHARON (Under her breath) O my God, you have got to be kidding me. This is Darcy's golden girl? She looks like a street urchin. (Clears her throat, then raises her voice.) Good morning, Miss Choovanski. I’m Sharon. Welcome to New York. I'll be your personal assistant during your stay. Have you had breakfast? KATCHOO No. SHARON We can eat at the apartment. We have a lot of people coming to handle your makeover and wardrobe. SCENE
9 – FX – phone rings BUTLER Hello? SAL (Phone voice) Gimmee Parker. BUTLER May I ask who is calling? SAL (Phone voice) This is Sal. BUTLER Sal who? SAL (Phone voice) Whadd’ya mean Sal who?! It’s Salvadore Tuccanni, you stupid piece of meat! Who the hell are you?! BUTLER One moment, please. Pardon me, ma’am, it’s Mr. Tuccanni. I handled him as you instructed. He’s hopping mad. DARCY (Sighs) Sal. What a pleasant surprise. SAL (Phone voice) Who the hell you got answering the phone over there? This is the second time I’ve called and your people ask who the hell I am! DARCY I’m terribly sorry about that, Sal. It was purely an oversight. I assure you it won’t happen again. Bye! SAL (Phone voice) Hey! I’m not done talkin’ here! DARCY Oh? So sorry. I thought you just called to check up on my staff. SAL (Phone voice) Don’t screw with me, Darcy! DARCY I wouldn’t dream of it, Sal. SAL (Phone voice) Darcy! Cut the crap and tell me what the hell is going on in Washington?! DARCY Everything’s under control. SAL (Phone voice) Then why is the Senate sub-committee on crime handing out subpoenas like Christmas presents?! You said you’d bust up that committee last week! DARCY Sal, Saaaal . . . you have to be patient. These things take time. You know that. By the time my girls are finished- SAL (Phone voice) Your girls are late! We’re sitting on a frikkin’ time bomb and you think you have all the time in the world! You have ‘til the end of the week, Darcy. That’s all! After that, I’m not responsible! FX:
Phone clicks DARCY Sal? (Angry) Bastard . . . (exerting) AARRRRRRRGH! FX:
Phone crashes through a window DAVID Nice, Darcy. Most people just hang up the phone . . . DARCY (Still angry) And just where do you think you’re going?! DAVID I’m out of here. DARCY The hell you are. You’re not going anywhere! DAVID Try and stop me. DARCY David! David! DAVID! FX:
Gun shot DAVID Jesus! (Panting, terrified) DARCY You’re not leaving me, little brother. Not after everything I’ve done for you! Don’t you see? I’ve built an empire – and it’s all for us! You and me! We don’t need anybody! DAVID (Low and bitter) You’re crazy! DARCY It’ll be just like when we were little kids. Nothing’s changed. Just like when we were kids, remember? You were always there for me . . . and I took care of you, didn’t I? Didn’t I? (Whispering) We’ve never needed anybody else, we have each other! FX;
Kissing DAVID Nooooooo! (spits) FX:
Gun shot DAVID You’re really sick, Darcy. You know that? DARCY No sicker than you, little brother. I know where you come from. You know what you are, David? You’re a loser! . After everything I’ve done for you! DAVID You didn’t do it for me. You did it because you enjoyed it! You did it because you don’t
believe in anything but yourself and
watching things die at your feet
makes you feel immortal! Maybe I don’t
have anything going for me, or someone waiting at home . . . hell! I don’t even
have a home! But at least I have my faith! You don’t even
have that. DARCY (Maniacal laughter) Ha! Oh, forgive me for laughing! It’s like you’ve lost your mind or something. I feel sorry for you, David. I really do. DAVID Goodbye, Darcy. I love you. DARCY Oh, bite me! I’m warning you, David! Don’t go near Katina! Don’t get in the middle of this, you’ll end up dead! DAVID (Walking away) I’d rather die with her than live with you. TAMBI You want me to stop him? DARCY No. Let him go. TAMBI Security, open west garden gate. FX:
A beep, then the sound of a gate being open and shut, over this, we also hear
David panting DAVID (Panting) Oh . . . Wha? . . . I'm bleeding, oh . . . god . . . FX:
The sound a body slumping to the ground, then a car pulling up DET. WALSH We’ll stop here a minute. FX:
Car doors open DET. WALSH Well . . (sighs) . . there ya go. She lives behind that wall. FRANCINE Which part? DET. WALSH All of it! We’re actually on the west side of the property right now. I figure it’s about forty acres. FRANCINE So, this is where Katchoo lived? With Mrs. Parker? DET. WALSH Yep. FRANCINE It’s hard to imagine all that horrible stuff happening in such a beautiful place. I pictured something more . . . Hey! Isn’t that . . . ? That’s David! Gasp! DET. WALSH Bring the car! FRANCINE Omigod! SCENE
10 - FX: Hospital sounds FRANCINE David? Hey, sleepyhead? How ya feelin’? DAVID (Weakly) Francine? Where am I? What happened? FRANCINE You're in the hospital. You’ve been shot. You’re okay, you’re gonna be fine, but your wrist is broken. DAVID Shot? I don’t remember getting shot. FRANCINE Well, they pulled a bullet out of your arm. We saw you collapse outside Darcy’s gate. DAVID We? Is Katchoo here? FRANCINE No. I was hoping you could tell me where she is. I came to get her. DAVID Then she’s in New York. We have to go- DET. WALSH Hold on there, sport. The doc says you’re not going anywhere for a couple a days. DAVID No! There’s no time! We have to go now! Katchoo’s in dang-OW! DET. WALSH Son, you’re not going anywhere until the doctor says so. Tell me where Katchoo is. I’ll go get her. Where is she, David? DAVID (Annoyed) Who are you?! FRANCINE David, it’s okay! Really. This is Detective Walsh! He was there the night Katchoo was shot. DAVID Oh great! So everywhere this guy goes, somebody gets shot! FRANCINE Uh . . . well . . . Hmmm. SCENE
11 - FX: Musical transition SHARON Thank you, Mavis, it’s been a long day but you’ve been brilliant, as usual. MAVIS I must say, it’s been a strange day. This is the first time I’ve ever had to talk someone into wearing one of my designs. SHARON I hope you’ll forgive our Miss Wallis. Bye bye! Thank you so much! FX:
Door shuts SHARON (Sighs) Miss Choovanski, sorry . . . Miss Wallis! I have lived in New York
for eight years . . . in all that time I have never seen anybody so incredibly
. . . RUDE! What . . . is . . . your . . . problem?!
KATCHOO I’ll tell you what my problem is . . . THIS is my problem! Just look at me! I look like . . like . . Oh god! I look like Darcy Parker! SHARON Well, yeah! That's the idea! Didn’t she tell you? SCENE
12 - FX: Office sounds, Chuck is sighing and whimpering CO-WORKER #1 Chuck, the boss is looking for the Tenneco brief. Chuck? Uh . . . I’ll just . . . I’ll come back later, okay? Right. What’s wrong with him? CO-WORKER #2 Who, Chuck? He’s been like that all week. (Whispering) I think he’s girlfriend left him! MAIL GUY Excuse me! Excuse me! Coming through! Thank you! Paper! Mail! Today's DC Daily – hot off the press! Here ya go! You’re welcome! Bye! CHUCK (Sighs heavily, then takes note of her front page photo) Rachel?! On the front page?! What the hell . . ?! RACHEL (Flashback) You have no idea . . . how lucky you are! FX:
Gun cartridge being loaded, he picks up the phone CHUCK Yeah, uh . . . I need the number for the FBI. SCENE
13 - FX: Sounds of an espresso machine, newspaper rustling. SHARON Good morning! You want some breakfast? Here, check out the headlines. KATCHOO Hmph. Darcy wasn’t kidding. SHARON Brilliant, isn’t it? Pulling all these big shots around by the nose – and they just smile and give us the keys to the kingdom! KATCHOO As if that was something worth having. FX:
Doorbell, door opens SHARON (Impatient) May I help you? DET. WALSH (With slovenly Brooklyn accent) Yeah, I got yer pizza here. Large mushroom with, uh . . . I don’t know, looks like extra mushrooms. What do you think? SHARON I didn’t order a pizza. DET. WALSH Well, somebody did. How about her? Maybe she ordered it. Hey, Blondie! You ordered a pizza, didn’t you? KATCHOO (Dumbfounded) Uh . . . yeah, sure. I like pizza for breakfast . . . lunch, whatever. DET. WALSH Now there’s a girl after my own heart! KATCHOO Pay the man, Sharon. DET. WALSH That’ll be $23.43. Cash. SHARON Alright . . . wait here . . . let me find some change. KATCHOO Smells good. DET. WALSH Hey, no hurry. Take your time. (Whispering) I have a car waiting downstairs, if you want, you can walk away right now. KATCHOO (Whispering) No! I’ve tried running away before. It doesn’t work. But you need to hide Francine. She’s- DET. WALSH (Whispering) She’s fine. What’s your plan here? KATCHOO (Whispering) I don’t know. I don’t have one. DET. WALSH (Whispering) We need to talk. I need to know what’s going on. We’ll figure something out together. KATCHOO (Whispering) There’s a party tonight at Lincoln Center! There’ll be a lot of people there, we could talk then. DET. WALSH (Whispering) Alright. KATCHOO (Whispering) It’s black tie. I’ll leave your name at the door. DET. WALSH (Whispering) And a guest. KATCHOO (Whispering) Okay. Are you sure Francine- DET. WALSH (Whispering) She’s fine. Really. KATCHOO (Whispering) She can’t be left alone. DET. WALSH (Whispering) I know. You don’t need to worry about her. Right now we need to work on getting you out of this mess. KATCHOO (Whispering) All I know is I’m supposed to meet a Senator Bran tonight and seduce his wife. They want me to trap them in a scandal so the press will be distracted from Henneman. DET. WALSH (Whispering) Henneman? Senator Henneman? KATCHOO (Whispering) Yeah. That’s all a set up! Beverly Pace is a Parker girl! DET. WALSH (Whispering) I knew it! So Darcy will shut down Bran’s investigation and wrap up the White House – all in one move. And I’m left holding the bag. (Full voice) Hey! Find what you’re looking for? SHARON Do you have change for a fifty? DET. WALSH Nope. SHARON Well, then here. Take it. It’s all I have. DET. WALSH Then that’s all you need. FX:
Door shuts SHARON Pizza for breakfast? KATCHOO Sure. Want some? SCENE
14 - FX: Street sounds – taxi, honking, sirens, car door open, then shuts FRANCINE She wasn’t there? DET. WALSH Oh, she’s in there alright. Now then, we need to go shopping. FRANCINE Shopping?! DET. WALSH Yep! We’ve been invited to a party. SCENE
15 - FX: Transition to cocktail party MRS. BRAN I can’t get over it, the resemblance is truly remarkable! KATCHOO Oh really! What are the odds, huh? MRS. BRAN You look just like my, uh . . . friend in college. But that was a long time ago. That was . . . another life. KATCHOO Now Mrs. Bran! It wasn’t that long ago! MRS. BRAN Oh! Aren’t you sweet! Please, call me Marilyn. KATCHOO (Flirtatiously) OK, Marilyn. DET. WALSH Forgive me for interrupting, ladies. Miss, may I have a word with you? In private? KATCHOO Uh . . . yeah. Sure. Excuse me, Marilyn. (Whispering) Walsh! I didn’t recognize you without the moustache. DET. WALSH Good! Let’s hope nobody else does either. I have someone waiting here to see you. KATCHOO Francie? FRANCINE Eh? Katchoo?! Will you please tell me what is going on here?! Look at you! Katchoo! A dress?! KATCHOO Francine! Shhh! FRANCINE Omigod . . . makeup?!! You cut your
hair-mmmph! KATCHOO Geezuz, shhhhhh! No more caffeine for her, okay? I’ll be at the bar. DET. WALSH Right. I’ll wander over in a minute. FRANCINE Mmmph . . siiiigh . . . DET. WALSH You okay? FRANCINE (Dreamily) Oh yeah. SCENE
16 - FX: Party sounds, people murmuring, broadcast in the background KATCHOO Excuse me, waiter! What’s going on? WAITER I don’t know. Something to do with Senator Henneman and that girl he’s engaged to. PARTY GUESTS I knew it! I knew there was something screwy about her! . . . . Shhhh! . . . Omigod. NEWSCASTER . . . the Senator’s office says a statement is being prepared. Again, Beverly Pace, fiancée of Sen. Robert Henneman, was arrested at four o’clock Eastern Standard Time by federal agents at the Senator’s home and is being held under suspicion of espionage! According to a spokesperson for the FBI, Charles Janson, a Houston attorney, contacted the agency yesterday to inform them that Miss Pace had been living with him for the last four months under an assumed name, Rachel Hampton. Janson claims that during her stay with him, Miss Pace exhibited malicious conspiratorial behavior, that she threatened him with a loaded handgun and assaulted him last week in his apartment after receiving a mysterious phone call. Mr. Janson says he was surprised to see Miss Pace reappear the following day in Washington DC announcing her engagement to Sen. Henneman, who is considered by many to be the leading candidate in the upcoming presidential election. Senator Henneman met Beverly Pace last year soon after the tragic death of his wife, Barbara, in an automobile accident. Authorities will not comment on whether Miss Pace might be connected to that event, but the FBI did confirm an investigation is under way in Houston. MARSHAL (Meekly) The Big Six. KATCHOO What did you say? MARSHAL The Big Six. That’s who is behind all this. But nobody will listen to me. KATCHOO Why do you think The Big Six has anything to do with it? MARSHAL They’re a secret organization that- |